Relationships can be so fragile! I can’t believe how dependant I am on my relationships. They give me something that nothing else in the world can. I love my people… well who doesn’t? but when I look back today and ask myself what is it that I remember the most and how do I see myself in future… the answer would be with my people. People I love the most! It’s almost unhealthy sometimes to what extent I can go to save a relationship. Ending up in realization that sometimes no amount of effort can change things or in fact get the changed things back to as they were before. Sometimes you loose friends and you have no idea why. I can’t help but mourn over such incidents. Wondering what went wrong. Wishing I would have just kept quiet or questioning my obsessive compulsion to be “honest”… why is it that everything has to reach a conclusion or given a name to? Why do we have to put some name tag on people and then we get peace. As if in a morgue with a dead name hanging to its owners big toe. No matter how angry or sad or agitated I get at times, I can’t deny the amount of happiness I got from my friends which make the little patches of tough times worth the pain.
Call me negative or whatever but a thought suddenly struck me today, this uncertainty that life comes with, what if I never get to tell my friends how much they mean to me? And the vital role they played in my life at different points of time. I can’t die without telling my friends that they are awesome! I might have hated them, loved them a little more than others, lied to them, cried because of them, blamed them for no reason but when I look at the picture as a whole, I see an amazing painting… varied colors coming together and making a masterpiece. And yes, this is the last time I will be using painting as an analogy...
There is no misunderstanding you can’t come over, no amount of discomfort you can’t ease out. Ya… life will go on even if we loose a few people. Seems like an affordable deal for that matter. But I refuse to believe we replace vacant spaces, we just create new keeping the empty ones bare and blank!
And ff course in a while I will come over this emotional lapse and find everything written above brainless and stupid. But before it happens I would like to say this to people I lost recently and people I would never want to loose, You matter!