Monday, October 26, 2009

And how at the end of the day you can’t resist the greed to try and make sense of things. How you thought things would turn out and they dint, how you seek approval which you shouldn’t have, how something hurt you which was senseless, the smiles, smirks, anger, neglect… and we obsessively try to make a balance sheet out of it, hoping that somehow it will all come together & magically turn sensible. Several times its not even “you” you are dealing with… the greed increases… you want it all to make sense to others… you Want them to call your expression ‘art’, like you for the reasons you like yourself, say things that sound good… and the senses on your body start exerting positivity… you don’t know why this feels so good… things don’t need to make sense anymore.. You are walking two feet above the ground… a thought knocks at t back of your head... “Just a second, wasn’t I trying to make sense… Did I? ” you relentlessly shut that disobedient thought out… I’m already feeling so good… I don’t need to! The process of growing up becomes faster… you imagine it’s because you shut down… you want to grow up even faster… want to know everything there is… and moreover want people to know you do! Dates on the calendar change in hasty speed… and you never realize when the line putting “you” apart from “others” looses its existence.

1 comment:

Sangram said...

The comfort we give to ourselves, often could be deceiving. It's an uncomfort zone, that pushes us to realize our true self. I liked the way you quoted the urge to make a balance sheet and a hidden desire to see everything neatly adding up!
To make us happy, we somehow make sense out of things ... our behaviors ... other's behaviors ... everything... Read More! We don't want ourselves left with unanswered questions, unfinished discussions, strage behaviors. We relentlessly redefine our philosophies by calling them improvements or matured thoughts. We eventually end up putting on masks after masks in order to feel good.

When we mix all the colors on the canvas - it only produces black color and only black. The line putting “you” apart from “others” looses its existence